Think about it this way....have you ever seen someone respond or behave kindly and act super stressed at the same time?
You can still be kind even when you are feeling stressed. It just takes more effort.
So the Calm and Kind aspects are definitely linked.
Being "chilled out" is actually necessary in most situations.
It doesn't mean having low energy, being lazy or meditating for hours a day.
It's actually as simple as this...just ask yourself...is what I am about to do or say KIND?
If you are acting from a place of being triggered or stressed in ANY way EVEN if you feel like YOU are the victim..it really is more beneficial to you..to stop for a moment or two and think of the kindest possible way you can say or do what you have to in that moment.
Yes, someone may be being an ABSOLUTE TWAT to you...but believe me...responding diplomatically will disarm them AND will gain you a ton of respect.
Communication my friends really is key...it can both build and destroy.
Choose your words and your approach wisely especially in those CHALLENGING moments.
Others will learn from you and you totally mitigate any risks as you'll be using "proper" and polite language, sticking only to the FACTS while making it very clear where you are at...i.e. "nothing personal mate"
Afterall, you have NO IDEA what that "TWAT" is actually going through.
And most times, when you respond as respectfully as possible to people like this...their guard comes down and most of the time you'll see they are just like you....you on one of your "bad" days...we can all be arseholes sometimes...AM I RIGHT?
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I've done it all wrong before and paid the price...which is why I now know how to do it right.
The one shift that has to take place before you can really do this though is to fully realise what you stand to lose if you don't make the changes.
Some people honestly believe that when they are is pain, that they are totally justified in taking certain actions which they know are actually quite damaging.
Some examples that may seem obvious but are worth mentioning are:
Your wife has cheated on you so you go out and binge drink OR you get aggressive towards her
You've been treated really badly at work and you come home to your family in a mood not really wanting to communicate with your kids or your partner
You are stuck behind a "slow poke" in traffic and you are late for a critical meeting with an important client to does not appreciate tardiness so you start hooting like crazy and curse the driver in front of you as you take over in a way that may not necessarily be safe
You had an awful child hood so you feel like you have every right to be grumpy towards the world in general because "life sux"
You were hit as a child and you feel like it never "did you any harm" so you feel justified in hitting your kids when you feel that they are "misbehaving"
The above examples are extreme but common and I have used them to illustrate a point. Some more subtle examples of this may be:
Passive aggressive comments or remarks
Focusing on what you don't like in people or situations and rarely focusing on their positive aspects
Rushing and putting yourself and those around you under unnecessary pressure just because you can't relax or have never learnt to do things in a way that takes into account the needs of those around you. It's JUST about getting the job done.
All of these are examples of behaving in a way that is NOT CALM. And often these actions are taken WITHOUT people realising that they are also NOT KIND
If you did take time to reflect on each or even just one of the above examples...whether you do this or not....you'll see that they are likely to have a negative impact on either yourself or the person / people involved in the situation that are on the receiving end of this sort of behaviour.
The truth is that acting in the way can end up causing you to lose a lot.
And even if you don't lose what you already have, it definitely removes the incredible experiences you could have if you were to change. If people are observing you at work, they may be less likely to consider you for a promotion. If your partner is experiencing this then they may be less likely to want to be intimate with you. If you behave towards your children in a way that is less calm and kind that what you could then they may not trust you as much as what you'd like them to as they grow older. And if you take actions towards yourself that are not calm and are not kind then isn't it worth making that change to at least come to someplace of inner peace, improved health and everything else that comes with being more self respectful? I'm not sure if self respectful is actually an accurate phrase but you know what I mean I'm sure.
So maybe with just keeping this in the back of mind, notice how you deal with yourself and others. And if you aren't sure what to say or do just ask yourself " Is it Kind"?